Dating engineer reasons
Most non-sociopathic men aren’t out to deliberately hurt women.
We’re all interconnected at some level, and causing distress in another person causes distress in ourselves. And at a very primitive level, remember that men enjoy the chase.
So let’s go through some scenarios to make sense of this and maybe give you some tools for handling it in the future. There are forces that strengthen the bond between two people, and forces that weaken it. Now remember that in the beginning of any relationship — what we call “dating” — the bond is fragile at best, and nonexistent at worst. Early on, people will eliminate a perfectly decent human from contention as Mr or Ms Right based on the most trivial and even spurious data that has little bearing on how well they’ll get along as a couple. In the course of your brief courtship with someone, there’s always a chance that weird shit could happen.
On the other hand, if you’re both on the same page, whether it’s a short-, medium- or long-term page, things have a better chance of working out than when your relationship goals are at odds. Now, I’ve never been a lion or gazelle, but I can imagine that the chief emotion that the lion was feeling at that moment was confusion.
Why waste time when a better match is around the corner? In every interaction, whether on phone, online or in person, keep in mind, “There’s a real human being on the other end, and a small but nonzero chance this guy/girl could be my future ex-spouse.” So be nice now, and pay attention. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #2: don’t take anything personally.
Therefore, in the early stages of courtship, people in this age of electronic dating are in Merciless Elimination Mode. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why guys go poof. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run. He’s bored, and he finds your company marginally more interesting than a night of Archer reruns.
Heck, I’m probably losing interest in someone right now, completely unbeknownst to myself but setting the mind of the poor lass on fire, and not necessarily in a good way.
One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately.